I never knew I was worth loving (NSFW)

I thought that’s what I rightly deserved, what everyone deserves: to be loved and to love. But lately I might disagree. I’m in a strange mindset. I’ve gained a good 20lb of my 60lb loss back and I’m struggling to cope with it. My self-worth is in the tubes and I feel terrible for Henry.

He has much bigger problems than I likely ever will and I’m pouty about my weight. We don’t have sex. I just have no desire. Almost none. Maybe once or twice each month. It is so strange to think of myself even two years ago. My thoughts are nearly unrecognizable. I will freely admit that I slept with all kinds of guys. No less than 10 guys in a one year span. All the sex was great and I was having a blast.

But now, I’m not so sure. There are people I know that I’m embarrassed to face, worried about what they’d say, how they’d react. I’m even weird around Henry. I always always always initiate sex. I can’t think of one time in the past year where he has started anything like that. It’s always me. And I think that’s what I crave: someone to command me (gently, of course) and someone to take charge.

I’m not saying anything is wrong in our relationship, but I find it difficult to believe that Henry would still want me right now, when I’m so self-pitying and non-sexual. I hope it gets better soon.

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2 responses to “I never knew I was worth loving (NSFW)

  1. I seem to find women that never start it and I always have to be the one to start sex. Then I get rejected. I haven’t had sex in over 5 years . I’m surprised I’m saying that out loud. But then who would want to even think about me as a sex partner? Sigh…

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