The words won’t come

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Even though I knew it was coming, I couldn’t get the words out the first time someone asked me how I was doing. My throat closed, my mouth went dry and I stopped breathing. After several seconds, I finally choked out the question, “can I call you back?” “Uh sure,” said the voice on the other end. After several minutes and a bit of practice, I called back. “Grandma died tonight,” I managed to say without my voice cracking. “Right before you called.”
It wasn’t unexpected. I had told my boss yesterday that she could pass at any time, to which my boss scoffed and said as long as I was there for press day. It was a light hearted conversation but the reactions were disheartening. And I long for a better job, where I have a different kind of support system. Where I’m not a one woman show and where I haven’t made myself practically irreplaceable. I should have moved on long ago.
We are leaving tonight. My dad wants everyone in Missouri by Saturday to make sure everything goes smoothly, according to plan. They are having a viewing tomorrow in Illinois and then another viewing and funeral in Missouri.  This couldn’t be more surreal.
I hope you all have a better weekend than I will.
Rest well, Grandma. You’re not in pain any longer.

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3 responses to “The words won’t come

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