My mom received a phone call last week from Slimgenics saying that they are giving away the weight loss program for free. She asked if I wanted to go in with her to get weighed. I was on the last few weeks of my previous program, where they are just supposed to promote maintaining the weight you’re at, which unfortunately was above my starting weight.
So, I signed up again. And my starting weight is 246lbs. I began the program on Saturday. So far I’m feeling ok. But it’s going to be harder than hell. I got into the habit of eating out 2-3 meals each day, spending almost no time at home. The past two and a half months I’ve visited Henry in the hospital for as many hours as he and I can stand, attending all but one of his 8 surgeries. And I’ve eaten crap all day every day. I even went and got two ice cream sundaes from Sonic. I feel so sick about myself, to be fully honest.
Last time I undertook something this big, I was dedicated and disciplined. I somehow managed to lose 70lbs+ in 10 months. I felt great physically, mentally, and emotionally. But I suffered a traumatic emotional blow and lost it all, I stopped caring. And it has gone on for three years, far too long to be able to sustain.
So, with this new journey, I’m hoping to get myself out of my funk, lift my depression, self hate, and dread of ever encountering anyone that I might love beyond words because I can’t even stand the sight of myself. I’ve got to do this for myself and for my future and for my career prospects because let’s get real, companies don’t like to hire fat people because they’re a liability, both to the company and to the insurance premiums.
I’m ready to not be fat anymore. Who’s with me!?