I went in for the procedure on Friday. I was on edge but joking with the doctors and nurses, figured it’d all be ok and very wham-bam-thank you ma’am. I had read lots of things and so I thought I knew what to expect. That was my first mistake.
I got undressed like I would for any other procedure involving my lady-bits and hopped onto the table. I got as prepared and relaxed as I could and then came the speculum. It felt huge. This was the first indication that things were not as peachy-keen as I had made them out to be.
The doctor kept telling me to relax, which I continuously tried to oblige but found harder with each passing second. They placed some sticky pad on the outside of my thigh with a wire going to the machine next to the bed.
The doctor them gave me a shot (right into my cervix) of lidocaine with epinephrine which often causes your heart to race. I’ve gotten shots for many years with no issue and even the sensitive pricks at the dentist phase me very little. So when the sharp prick came, I was horrified. And then my heart started to race and relaxing became impossible. I wished Henry was there to hold my hand, to talk to me and reassure me and just keep me grounded.
I waited a few minutes (maybe one or two) while they finished getting organized and turned on the machine, which was loud, maybe quadruple the volume of a computer fan. The doctor again told me to relax which I told her I was trying. Then the procedure began. I felt a sharp jab right into my cervix with some kind of vacuum tube or something. I let out the loudest yelp of my life and the doctor became concerned because she thought I had felt any kind of pain.
It was a sensation very similar to getting hit in the stomach with a ball. It wasn’t painful but it was shocking and put a stop to everything for a moment. I had begun shaking uncontrollably and definitely couldn’t relax. And then came the bawling and telling them to just stop. I don’t want to do this anymore. They tried to calm me down, telling me that the whole procedure would take less than a minute once she got in there.
So, I took a minute and just cried and told them no. I didn’t want to do this. And the doctor took everything out and off and told me that her scheduler would call me to set up a time for surgery because it needs to be done. I’ve read a lot about it and it doesn’t need to be done this week, this month, this year, or likely even this decade. I don’t want to have surgery, I don’t want anything like this. I know I’ll end up being hysterical coming out of the anesthesia, until I’m allowed to see a face I recognize.
I don’t want to do anything like that ever again and I’m certain that I’ll never want to have kids or even have sex anytime in the near future. I can’t handle anything like that ever again.