An unexpected twist

I went in for the procedure on Friday. I was on edge but joking with the doctors and nurses, figured it’d all be ok and very wham-bam-thank you ma’am. I had read lots of things and so I thought I knew what to expect. That was my first mistake.

I got undressed like I would for any other procedure involving my lady-bits and hopped onto the table. I got as prepared and relaxed as I could and then came the speculum. It felt huge. This was the first indication that things were not as peachy-keen as I had made them out to be.

The doctor kept telling me to relax, which I continuously tried to oblige but found harder with each passing second. They placed some sticky pad on the outside of my thigh with a wire going to the machine next to the bed.

The doctor them gave me a shot (right into my cervix) of lidocaine with epinephrine which often causes your heart to race. I’ve gotten shots for many years with no issue and even the sensitive pricks at the dentist phase me very little. So when the sharp prick came, I was horrified. And then my heart started to race and relaxing became impossible. I wished Henry was there to hold my hand, to talk to me and reassure me and just keep me grounded.

I waited a few minutes (maybe one or two) while they finished getting organized and turned on the machine, which was loud, maybe quadruple the volume of a computer fan. The doctor again told me to relax which I told her I was trying. Then the procedure began. I felt a sharp jab right into my cervix with some kind of vacuum tube or something. I let out the loudest yelp of my life and the doctor became concerned because she thought I had felt any kind of pain.

It was a sensation very similar to getting hit in the stomach with a ball. It wasn’t painful but it was shocking and put a stop to everything for a moment. I had begun shaking uncontrollably and definitely couldn’t relax. And then came the bawling and telling them to just stop. I don’t want to do this anymore. They tried to calm me down, telling me that the whole procedure would take less than a minute once she got in there.

So, I took a minute and just cried and told them no. I didn’t want to do this. And the doctor took everything out and off and told me that her scheduler would call me to set up a time for surgery because it needs to be done. I’ve read a lot about it and it doesn’t need to be done this week, this month, this year, or likely even this decade. I don’t want to have surgery, I don’t want anything like this. I know I’ll end up being hysterical coming out of the anesthesia, until I’m allowed to see a face I recognize.

I don’t want to do anything like that ever again and I’m certain that I’ll never want to have kids or even have sex anytime in the near future. I can’t handle anything like that ever again.

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4 responses to “An unexpected twist

  1. hugs
    last year i had a biopsy done on my prostate. they go through by way of the rectum. it was to be done using ultrasound prob. the nurse first said he would “numb” the area with some lidocaine in my rectum. that went ok. then the doc came in and said he would inject some more lidocaine before doing the biopsy. that went sort of ok as i know lidocaine burns. it did. then they inserted the ultasound prob and the doc said i would feel a “little prick/pinch” as the needle took the biopsy. um… a little prick is NOT what i felt. it was more like a hot needle being inserted into my rectal area and into the prostate. and it was not only felt once, but 12 times!!!! the pain was pretty intense and i can tolerate lots of pain but this was not just a “little pinch”!!!! it went pretty fast though and in a couple of minutes it was all done. when it was all done i told the doc about the pain and he was surprised. i told him either i did not get enough lidocaine, he didnt wait long enough, i have a high tolerance to lidocaine OR all the above! he said he was sorry and it was unusual for anyone to feel any discomfort. lets just say, i wont be doing THAT again. lol
    so, i think i can relate to what you went through, but maybe they will give you something to chill you out some and you will have someone drive you home because of it. i think many medical people dont realize just how SENSITIVE parts can be and that everyone is different. and they may not understand until THEY go through the same procedure.

    again….hugs. and if the procedure is really necessary for your health, then as a medical professional myself, please get it done as soon as you feel you can.

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